The Three Journeys of Life Partnerships
Updated: Jul 4
Are soul-mates real, or just a figment of our fantasies? Who is ‘the one’ for me? How will I find them? How do I choose ‘the one’ for me? What if I never find them?” These are just some of the questions which many will address throughout their lives. In this article, I demystify the classical interpretation of ‘soul-mate’ by investigating three new classifications of soul-partners: a Soul-Twin (past emphasis), Soul-Mate (present emphasis) and a Soul-Bind (future emphasis). All of this is discussed in the context of what is called here “the Great Quest”
– a journey which all individuals will take through their lives.
“Are soul-mates real, or just a figment of our fantasies? Who is ‘the one’ for me? How will I find them? How do I choose ‘the one’ for me? What if I never find them?” These are just some of the questions which many will address throughout their lives. In this article, I demystify the classical interpretation of ‘soul-mate’ by investigating three new classifications of soul-partners: a Soul-Twin (past emphasis), Soul-Mate (present emphasis) and a Soul-Bind (future emphasis). All of this is discussed in the context of what is called here “the Great Quest” – a journey which all individuals will take through their lives.
It is helpful to begin with where the idea of soul-mates originated.
Soul-mates were traditionally described as one soul, made in the heavens, which were then split into two (or more) separate vessels, or bodies on Earth. In the context of love, (not necessarily romantic love – see “Different Kinds of Love”) a soul-mate is that special someone you meet with whom you not only feel remarkably similar, but as if you came from the same source. Many describe this experience as “feeling complete” – discovering the “other half” of their soul.
Implication #1: Half a Person
Given this metaphor, it is little wonder why people feel alone! Living life as only “half”, a person would feel like there was always to be something missing – leaving them to search endlessly for the person who will “complete” them. When people interact with each other, their results are not added, they are multiplied:
Approaching a relationship with the mentality that you are incomplete, and then merging with another who also feels incomplete, results in both of you feeling even less satisfied than when you began!
Relationship and psychology experts will tell you that successful relationships are ones which are approached from a sense of completion. In this sense, 1 x 1 = 1; the two individuals form one whole new unit. It is within this new unit that synergy takes place. Synergy is the process of beneficial energy exchange – two or more may accomplish more together than they otherwise would apart. It is here, within the context of a new unit, that we find excess energy:
This is the basis of creating not just new life, but new ideas, and new concepts. When a relationship is approached from fully complete members, there is the possibility of abundance.
Implication #2: There is only one Soul-Mate
The issue of half of your soul being bound inside another person is not only complicated by the notion of completeness. There is also the concept of uniqueness – is there only one soul-mate, or are there many possible soul-mates? While many would argue in favour of the traditional view – that there is one soul-mate possible for each person, as there is only one person who has your “other half” (see above), this leaves most people feeling hopeless if they do not have their soul-mate, or excessively hopeful that they have found that one soul-mate!
Perhaps the greatest struggle with this implication is the sense of finding that one person in 6 billion. Even further, what if that soul-mate is not the gender to which you prefer? What if the soul-mate is not in the age-range of usual human relationships? While there are some who cling to the ideal of one most-special person, there are other possible explanations for the joyous celebration of what is considered a rare occurrence.
A New Perspective
To explore the meaning behind soul-mates, it is important to first wrangle a definition that suits the discussion.
Let us begin by analyzing what makes human life:
By observing the process of life above, we see three connected relationships, and identify the ‘glue’ of this connection:
All humans are connected (Souls)
All Life is connected (Essence)
All of creation is connected (Existence)
All things are connected as they all share the same matter and energy. This matter and energy is neither created nor destroyed, it only changes forms; so too does all of creation change shape and form. Existence can be defined as the interconnected nature of matter and energy.
Life, the conglomeration of matter and energy toward a designated purpose, is connected to each other. All life on earth shares the same genetic heritage. It is clear that there is some greater connection for life, and this is called essence, but historically may also have been referred to as spirit. Essence then is the term for the interconnectedness of all living things.
For humans, where we assume the self-awareness dimension, the notion of a soul is brought forth: all humans are connected by this shared property of a soul. The soul may be defined as the interconnectedness of all human beings. The soul is amorphic and complete – without shape or distinguishing characteristics. If we were to line up all the souls of the world, without the vessels from which they came, they would be indistinguishable. The soul is infinitely definable, and therefore is not bound by one specific definition. The moment one constrains a soul to one definition, they will invariably miss some component. Many world religions teach this process of detachment – of shedding our “earthly” attachments, and allowing our souls to join with creation. This means releasing our egos, identities, personalities and thoughts, which we believe make up our soul, and allowing that connection that is our soul to fully express itself.
We now have some understanding of a soul – the interconnectedness of all human beings. What then is a soul-mate? By the traditional definition, a soul-mate is someone who shares the same soul as another. However, by our new definition of souls above, anyone could be a soul-partner! In this new context, a soul-mate would mean something different – not someone with whom you share the same soul. A soul-mate is now a sub-class of a soul-partner:
A soul-partner is someone in whom you feel so connected it is as if you shared the same soul.
There are three ways in which a person may feel connected: they may feel that they share the same origin, they may feel as if they share the same present, or they may feel they share the same future.
A soul-twin is someone in whom you feel extraordinarily connected from your past life experiences leading to your present.
This definition of soul-twin aligns strongly with the traditional view of soul-mates. It is someone in whom you feel identical (hence the word twin) in spiritual origins (ie. spiritual birth). While we are all technically “soul-twins”, when people appropriate the term “soul-twin” to another, they are identifying that they observe this connection in every way: through all the human senses and beyond.
Below are the typical stages of soul-twins coming together:
Recognition: The soul-twins observe themselves in another.
Acceptance: The soul-twins acknowledge and define the other as their mutual twin.
Honeymoon: The soul-twins enjoy the harmonious exchange of energies as they support each other’s established way of being.
Resistance: As life changes, so do the soul-twins. While they share the same past, they may have different futures.
Oscillation: Many soul-twins conflict back-and-forth between the dichotomy of a shared past, but different futures. Here the soul-twins oscillate between 3 and 4 until they either unite (and become soul-mates), or break apart their connection. It is here also that those who may not have shared a common past may form a connection, developing a soul-twin bond.
A soul-mate is someone in whom you feel harmoniously connected while you journey through the Great Quest.
This definition of soul-mate bears remarkable resemblance to that of soul-twin, with one key distinction: soul-mates are present-bound (until death), while soul-twins are past-bound (since birth). A soul-mate does not necessarily need to be made of soul-twins choosing a common future path.
It is important here to define some key terms from the definition of soul-mates:
Harmoniously: This term refers to the harmonic nature of the process of union. In physics, a harmonic is a scaled multiple of a base frequency. What is unique to wave mechanics is the notion of resonance. Resonance is the exchange of energy between harmonics. In a similar way, two souls which are harmoniously connected exchange energy between their mutual spiritual frequencies (Think like a spiritual tuning fork to a string on a piano – the energy is exchanged). This implies more than mere compatibility – there is room for growth, extension, and sharing as well.
Journey: This term is chosen specifically to identify that a union is in fact a process, not a product. Especially in the matter of human relationships, the destination, or end goal, is often the focus. A soul-mate is someone whom you journey with, not toward. The distinction here is clear: a soul-mate is someone who joins you along your path; they are not someone at the end of your path.
While: Here the term is very distinctly chosen. It brings the sense of presence. It is occurring in the hear-and-now.
The Great Quest: Alluded to in the definition of souls, many religions point to a fundamental journey, or quest, for each soul: detach from this world, in order to allow our soul to rejoin with the creation/creator. Releasing our egos, identities, personalities and yes even thoughts, is not only a recommendation, it is a deductive conclusion. If our souls all came from the same source, were then each packaged and placed into a vessel (ie., our bodies), then we must shed the vessel (body, mind, and all that comes with it) in order to rejoin with that one source!
The Great Quest is the personal, spiritual journey of each individual as they discover how to detach from this experience, in order to join with the next.
The journey of The Great Quest, as in detachment, is a solo journey: even if others are in the rooms with us upon our final days, we journey from this world to the afterlife alone. The process of detachment, of letting go, is one we can journey with someone. The sharing of this journey, the mutually enjoyed experience of detachment, is one which can be shared with our soul-mate. Ideally, both would experience their detachment process synchronously, and in so doing reach ultimate actualization together. At the peak of their expression, the soul-mates would be able to give forth the energy of two complete beings: sharing their experience of joy, happiness and prosperity with abundance.
Soul-mates embark on a uniquely distinct journey:
Recognition: The soul-mates observe one another as pursuing the same present.
Acceptance: The soul-mates acknowledge, invite, and agree to join one another on their mutually shared journey.
Honeymoon: The soul-mates enjoy the happiness and fulfillment that is brought by releasing the illusion of separation and joining with each other.
Integration: The soul-mates experience joy as their mutual talents overlap, energies synchronize, and comfort increases with trust.
Fulfillment: The soul-mates experience prosperity in abundance as their energy overflows from their confined containers.
Notice here that soul-mates do not endure the oscillations of conflict that soul-twins do. This is because soul-mates enjoy a lifetime built on present moments, rather than experiences shared in a past. With the past often comes great-suffering, and the resistance to accept the present. A lifetime built from present moments can often lead to a manifested future – one which is not only free from the past, but is free from expectations also. The most important part of soul-mates is not where each ends up, but that each step taken is done so together.
A soul-bind is someone in whom you feel connected in a common future experience based on your present life.
Notice again that this definition follows a similar formula to the previous two. The key distinguishing feature here is that a soul-bind is defined by the destination, a common future experience. There are two key ideas which define, and limit, soul-binds:
Common future experience: be it marriage, ascension (in the form of detachment), children, or the myriad of other experiences which can be shared between two people, a soul-bind is based on the belief that this experience will be shared with another. One is “soul-bound” to another when both parties agree on the same future.
Present life: the future trajectory is a direct result of present circumstances. So long as present circumstances remain the same, the future becomes quite predictable. The difficulty, as you may have surmised, is that the future is in a constant state of flux.
This is what makes soul-binds so difficult to know with certainty: they can only be known with faith in the present moment.
At the end of one’s life, looking back, a person could determine who was their soul-bind, and who was not. But in the present moment, it is based completely on two ideas: that your present remain the same, and that your future goals remain the same too.
Many people get caught or hung up on the idea of being soul-bound, worrying of whether their future is fixed with one person or another. While it is interesting to think about, the emphasis on the end result detracts from what is most important: the process of discovery.
Choosing a Soul-Partner
Where someone stops in their journey, is an individual choice. It often comes down to acceptance – can they accept that this is their decision, or do they wish to continue searching? When you consider the terms above, it becomes clear what your relationships will become. A soul-twin partnership, while having similar origins, does not necessarily have a resonating present. Soul-mates can share in their experiences, and so long as they continue to share their present with each other, and aim toward their future, they can continue to grow and build their relationship. Soul-binds are only knowable upon the end; everything beforehand is a leap of faith. Regardless of the title, the important factors are twofold:
Focus on your spiritual journey. Each person has their own faith, and faith understanding. The people whom you share this journey with are your soul-mates. Share your present with those who wish to join you on your quest.
Make a choice. No matter who you choose, you are choosing a soul-partner. This is a divine relationship, and not necessarily one that is ‘human’. The emphasis should be less on who that person is, or your earthly goals of accomplishment, and more on who they inspire you to be, and what divine goals you will achieve with them:
If the person you are choosing is a soul-twin, then you must resolve your shared pasts, and define a new present from which to journey on your Great Quest.
If the person you are choosing is a soul-mate, then remember to invest in your present, enjoying each stage of the journey that is the Great Quest.
If the person you are choosing is a soul-bind, remember that the future is in constant flux: your soul-bind may change tomorrow from who you think it is today. Focus on your present self, and its fullest expression, and so long as you move with someone, there is a good chance you both will move together, and remain soul-binds.
With the present as the focus, it is possible to develop into a soul-twin with someone, through commonly shared experiences. Again, with the present as the focus, it is possible to determine you are a soul-bind with another, thus completing all three aspects. Just as the triangle above would lose its’ stability with any one side missing, so too would a soul-partner that is missing one of the aspects. Note further that the emphasis is on the present, as indicated with the present forming the base of the triangle.
While you may have preference for one term over another, remember that each term is important to fully express that age-old term: soul-mates, or what I define here as a soul-partner. Notice that you do not need to enter into romantic relationships in any of these newly-defined soul-partnerships. In some cases, it may be better to form other, non-romantic relationships with a soul-mate. The emphasis however is clear: a relationship based on the expression of self, in the present moment, toward the purpose of spiritual enlightenment. This approach is not only the most fulfilling, it is the sharing of The Great Quest – life’s greatest adventure! It is for this reason that the term soul-mate is appropriated to the one which focuses on the journey towards true freedom: freedom through ascension; ascension from this life to whatever may come next.
On the Note of Uniqueness
The definition of a soul-mate being unique to each person has persisted since the term was originally constructed. Let’s assume that the above is true, that all people can be soul-partners. Why then, does this feeling of uniqueness exist? Why do people seek a “most special one”, and what does it mean once you have found it? Is someone ‘settling’, or is there a true, definitive, ‘most’ special? A soul-partner, whether it is soul-twin, soul-mate or soul-bind, would be someone in whom we feel that interconnected relationship. Is there a maximum for this interconnectedness?
Let us turn to sports for a comparison on the notion of a “most special one”. Who is the fastest human alive? It changes every 4 years. Someone new comes through who is the fastest! Who is “most compatible”, or “best” for you? With a population growing past 7 billion people, it’s hard to imagine where that upper limit exists. Below is a graphical depiction of an equally-likely possibility:
When we first set out to find our soul-partner (Say the first 1/4 of the graph), we find that we discover people who miraculously appear much better than the people before. Eventually, over time, we become better and better at finding people who are closer to being “the” soul-partner. Notice though, that there is no “top”, in other words, you can always get closer, but may never quite reach it.
The purple point might represent the beginning stage of the “many possible soul-partners”. Once you cross that point, many whom you meet will seem pretty wonderful - but might still feel like something is missing. Eventually, you might reach close to that threshold, let’s say 99% of the way there. While you could continue searching, the longer search will only yield more of the same types of connections. Once most people hit the Purple Point, they often fall in love to a point that they decide “maybe I have found it.”
This projection infers that soul-partners do not exist in their ‘fullest’ potential, but are more like an Ideal. Ideals are not achievable but you can ever strive for more, rather than making soul-partner a goal, which is achievable. This brings us back to the Great Quest – remembering that this quest is a journey, not a destination.
As you journey through your life and seek your own meaning, and ultimate detachment from this life to the next, remember that your soul-partner can be someone with whom you share that journey. While it often takes on a romantic and familial nature, it does not necessarily need to take this course to be complete. While it is a rare occurrence, that does not mean it will only happen a single time in a person’s lifetime. Imagine how comforting it would be for someone to share in this experience with friends, family and strangers alike!
Keep within your heart the journey of the Great Quest – that spiritual journey of ascension from this life to the next. Whom you choose to share this journey with is up to you, but inevitably you will find you may have many different soul-partners on your journey: soul twins, in whom you share a common past, soul-mates, in whom you actively engage in your spiritual quest, and soul-binds, with whom you develop a common future. If you are mindful, you may even find individuals in whom all three express themselves – and may choose to engage in various forms of relationships with those individuals – depending on your mutual goals (See the previous article for more details on relationships which serve a purpose). Focusing on your journey, and whom best to bring with you on your journey, not only simplifies many of the decisions typically associated with love, but it brings them back into focus on what really matters – the process of your individual enlightenment.